taken from NGboards
on out off-topic section. galing kay allisonlim
yung YAYA sa baba galing sa email.
tawa ako ng tawa habang binabasa to. share ko lang
Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines ? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
_______________________________________________
Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, they’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office.
Doc: “Bottlefed?”
Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.”
Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc!”
Inutusan si yaya na bumili ng dyaryo ( inquirer at phil. Star). Pagbalik sabi nya: : “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”
Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
(Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!”
(Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?”
Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
yaya, nabutas ang uniform na pinaplantsa. Tanong ng amo: “Paano mo naman nasunog to?”
Yaya: “Secret!”
nanood ng movie…..“Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”
Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!”
Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!”
INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!”
INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”
Ate: “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!”
Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
sa school, tinanong ng teacher c jenjen….: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?”
biglang singit si yaya: “Parang Watson’s yata…”
Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting!”
Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?”
Driver: “Ikaw lang?”
Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
(Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) Kuya: “Yaya…”
Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!”
Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!”
Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?”
Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
Midget Yaya who was newly hired: “Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
matapos pagalitan dahil sa pinangako….. “Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
yaya sa mcdo
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?”
MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.”
AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?”
MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”
on out off-topic section. galing kay allisonlim
yung YAYA sa baba galing sa email.
tawa ako ng tawa habang binabasa to. share ko lang
Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines ? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...," and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts, "CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?
_______________________________________________
Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, they’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office.
Doc: “Bottlefed?”
Woman: “Breastfed po.” (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.”
Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc!”
Inutusan si yaya na bumili ng dyaryo ( inquirer at phil. Star). Pagbalik sabi nya: : “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”
Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
(Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!”
(Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?”
Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
yaya, nabutas ang uniform na pinaplantsa. Tanong ng amo: “Paano mo naman nasunog to?”
Yaya: “Secret!”
nanood ng movie…..“Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”
Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!”
Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!”
INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!”
INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”
Ate: “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!”
Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
sa school, tinanong ng teacher c jenjen….: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?”
biglang singit si yaya: “Parang Watson’s yata…”
Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting!”
Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?”
Driver: “Ikaw lang?”
Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
(Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) Kuya: “Yaya…”
Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!”
Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!”
Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?”
Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
Midget Yaya who was newly hired: “Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
matapos pagalitan dahil sa pinangako….. “Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
yaya sa mcdo
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?”
MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.”
AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?”
MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”
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